How to Prepare & Support Children for Family Hospital Visits

written by megan moody, November 2019

A Placenta Accreta Spectrum (PAS) diagnosis can sometimes come with a long-term hospitalization; and for many of us, this also means leaving children behind at home. For me, this was the most difficult part of my seven-week stay in the High-Risk Pregnancy Unit. I missed being at home for their birthdays, their birthday parties, and even Mother’s Day. My husband made sure that we saw each other every single day, we were very lucky that our local hospital is also the area’s best center for PAS care. Sometimes the visit lasted an hour or more, sometimes less than 15 minutes (a unit with the goal of restfulness for mothers is *not* always the best place for preschoolers!). But I always think about this piece of the PAS puzzle—that little information or guidance is given on how to face this reality with children. Some guidance I’ve gathered for any of you facing this scenario:

Talk About the Diagnosis

Research encourages open conversations where children are allowed to ask questions and receive simple, honest answers. Depending on their developmental stage, a child may have unfounded fears that require reassurance. American Family Physician suggests the following:

• Explain that Mom has a serious condition, but that the child did not cause the disorder

• Mention the name of the disorder and reassure the child that he or she can’t “catch it”

• Provide Mom’s or Dad’s best understanding of what may happen

• Reassure the child that he or she is loved and will be kept safe

• Emphasize that all feelings are acceptable

• Explain who will help take care of the child

In addition, Child Life Specialist Colleen Lacey helpfully frames these tips by suggesting you imagine the child retelling the story to teachers or friends. Ask yourself what kind of age-appropriate words can that child take in and then use to retell. Lacey also gives examples of what kind of broad statements open the door for a child’s questioning (“Mom has a serious health condition”), and how to frame your understanding of what may happen with hopefulness and honesty (“My doctor wants me to stay in the hospital until the baby is born. Daddy will be home with you.”). 

Visiting the Hospital

American Family Physician and Child Life Specialist Colleen Lacey emphasize the importance of preparing a child for a visit. What will the room look like? What machines may Mom be hooked up to when they arrive? Describe for them the sights, sounds and smells in the hospital room prior to visiting. 

A summary of hospital visit concerns from American Family Physician:

• Any child who wants to visit should be supported in doing so

• Prepare in advance (using descriptive language as suggested above) for what the child will see/experience during the visit

• Help children get comfortable during the visit (bring toys, homework, art materials—or try a bonding activity like snuggling up with a parent to watch a movie) and feel free to inquire about the hospital’s Child Life department. Child Life Specialists are professionals who can work with children during visits, facilitating activities and expression of feelings

• Bring an extra adult who can leave when the child is ready to (this may be when a child feels uncomfortable seeing a medical procedure and needs to temporarily step out of the room—or when a child becomes wiggly and disruptive)

• Debrief after the visit (Sometimes the things children notice can guide how to schedule or frame the next visit—ask questions like: What was the most surprising? What did you like the least? Or best?)

• Avoid an agitated or confused patient (If Mom is in a state of duress, consider whether that state will further confuse the child. And for post-surgery, if an ICU stay is temporary, a visit there is discouraged without talking first to Mom’s medical team)

• Address concerns for a child who doesn’t want to visit (talk through general worries) but don’t force a visit. Instead, provide alternatives to an in-person visit like video or email communication.

As my own hospitalization languished on, I often found myself worried that this brief time in my children’s lives would result in trauma for them of some sort. My first weeks back at home did have some trying times for my oldest. I remember going to Target with him and turning an aisle corner before he finished looking at something. He panicked in an extreme way for those few seconds—terrified of letting me out of his sight again. But three years later, I can assure you that the experience did not leave a legacy of long-term trauma for them.

What little they remember of that time in our lives has more to do with positive things that helped us through: what they called “the juice room”, the refreshment space where they gleefully took packets of crackers and small containers of grape juice; the incredible babysitters who stepped up to help us and made sure fun surrounded them on a daily basis; and all the meals they got to eat out at restaurants. Since I am the family’s home chef, our community and family generously showered my husband with gift cards to alleviate my “but what will they eat???” fears—a terrific idea for support in this scenario. And now we have our miracle baby girl to show for this difficult time. They adore their sister, and I always made sure to never connect her personally with the circumstances that temporarily took me away from them. She was simply the prize at the end of our story, another example we use when we discuss our family motto “We Can Do Hard Things!”

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